Thursday, December 8, 2011

breeds of women

Let's face it woman are generally insane, whether it's good insane or bad insane is up to you.  However, I was recently thinking of friends I have and comparing them to certain breeds of dogs.  I understand that sounds terrible, but hear me out.  Owners look like their dogs and the breeds of dogs owners buy sort of reflects the person the owner is....DEEP I know, hahah.  I digress, women can be classified as breeds of dogs through their behavior, I mean a bitch is a female dog right?

Golden Retiever: The girl who acts like a golden retriever is a girl everyone knows and loves, but also sorta can't stand.  This is that girl who tells you her life story even if you truly don't give a fuck and could not care less.  However, you listen anyway because shes cute and you cannot say no to her even though you say no to a lot of people.  This is also the girl who needs tonssss of attention from her besties and from guys, just like a golden retriever they will constantly nudge you with their nose for any sort of attention whether it's good or bad. They turn every conversation into a convo about them and everytime you have a problem tell you how much worst their problem is compared to yours, leaving you feeling worst instead of better.  Every girl has a golden retriever girl friend whether you like to admit it or not

St. Bernard:  The girl who acts like a St Bernard is usually a stoner, she is generally chill, gets along with everybody and has a ton of guy friends.  The only problem she has with people is when her nonchalant attitude gets in the way of other girls dramazzz, there is such a thing as too chill people and this girl is it.  She eats all your food or leaves the bathroom floor soaked after a shower and when you are mad about it, she is genuinely confused as to why someone would get upset at such a mundane occurrence.  They also don't do a lot, drool alot, eat a lot, and leave weed stems everywhere.

The Toy Breed: (Yorkie, Maltese, King Charles, Llapsa Apas) Whatever small annoying creature wearing a pink rhinestone collar is this girl.  The toy breed girl is the girl in high school everybody hates, shes popular, pretty, rich, and loves the color pink or purple or the whole rainbow for that matter.  Shes can afford awesome clothes but one always thinks, "she should take about ten accessories off" and then she would look cool.  She talks in a insensate baby voice and her white iphone has a hello kitty cover.  She's annoying and always yapping and insecure because she's a poodle.

Bulldog:  Lesbian jokes insue

Mutt:  The mutt usually consists of a kind of collie or lab and usually makes a great pet and girls of this breed are great humans.  The mutt girls are just effortlessly cool and you usually want everything they're wearing and to be doing everything they're doing.  These girls are loyal and great friends, they are usually the girls you have been friends with since birth or have found and never let go of.  Bitchy when necessary, but good to the core....this is the kind of breed you should try to be.

Terrier:  Wasps and Japs, terriers are the breed of girl that are cool but man are the terrible.  They are ruthless and awesome, usually women in high positions in business and life that live in NYC.  You know them, you studied abroad with them and you lost a job to them.

Pitbull: This is the breed of girl nobody wants, but there are so many you probably have been friends with one once or twice. These unoriginal girls usually roam in large packs of unoriginality.  BEWARE some have a bad rep for a reason, but some are worth the pain in the ass.

Bitches it's a dog eat dog world out there, just be sure you're the dog and not the dog treat.

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