Monday, October 31, 2011

Celebrity Halloween Costumes 2011

I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but when did Halloween become so intense.  I mean of course I dressed up as a child and did the whole begging for candy with my little mermaid pillowcase (wishful thinking), buttt as I reached the age that it was childish to go even "fake" trick or treating (age 13) Halloween sort of got awkward.  For example, you could roam around the neighbor or in my case a friends neighborhood, terrorizing homes via ding dong ditch and shaving creme wars, but as middle school ended and high school began Halloween kind of didn't exist.  Then, you go to college and Halloween is the greatest thing ever, minus maybe spring weekend or ST pattys day..  However, NOW it seems that Halloween has invaded the high school world...I blame facebook, mean girls, and celebrities.  Facebook shows small children (high schoolers), how much fun college parties are that it's totz cool to dress up like a lil hoe in freezing cold weather and wear assless chaps.  Mean girls basically put Halloween on the map and showed young female adults that women fit in one of two're either the hoe (sexy bunny, kitty, mouse) that bought your costume from a bag ORRR you're not a hoe (for lack of a better word) and you dress as something funny/scary and you create the costume yourself.  That being said all celebrity's, minus a cool few are the hoe.  Here are some hoes/not hoes dressed for Halloween! 

This is the greatest thing I've ever seen.  I am assuming it's Jack and Sally from a Nightmare before Christmas.  Is it wrong I would dress like this everyday?

Tina Fey as Rachel Zoe attacked by Peta! But really, I have no idea what she is?

This girl is def not a hoe; however, I feel strongly that women never dress up as Disney princesses. STRONGLY.

Hiedi Klum: Gorgeous supermodel, actress, tv personnel, AWESOME CHIC.  I feel like I want to be her bestie, shes so cool and loves Halloween and every year she wows me.  Here she is a skinless body WTF?! FREAK

Snickers she's no hoe to me, surprisingly. Although she is a tad stupid and sloppy, girls got some original swagger cred, here she is as herself, wearing her own tanning lotion called SNOOK-n-fry.

Here is a hoe, trying to disguise her hoeness. Like gross, why are you the white swan you insane perve.

HOE : Insert Kardashian divorce joke here __________________________________.   I also feel strongly that no one ever have red hair.

I saw this on tv the other day, so funny. All hoes.

Nahhhhhhhhhh PROLLY NOT

Photo Cred: Us Weekly

HALLOWEEN Edition (armcandy continued)

Let's celebrate one of the greatest pagan holidays to make it past the Catholic Church, HALLOWEEEEN.  Today we celebrate the winter equinox, witches, bitches, and scary arm candy!!!  Get werrrrrid people!
Marc Jacobs Bone Bracelet

Pamela Love Claw Bracelet
Shrinking Bracelet with Skull
A bracelet from India ( Made of human bones=extra creepy)

On any other day of the year I would also recommend wearing these great arm pieces; however, for a more understated look with a cheap price tag visit wanderlust & co.  Also, for more expensive pieces, that are even more awesome google Alkemie Jewelry.

Arm Candy

Ever since I was little I had to have bracelets on my wrists; whether it was a friendship bracelet or a state fair entrance bracelet (True story, I fought my mom for a week to keep the heinous orange paper bracelet on my wrist). I guess that means in a past life I was an Egyptian Queen or Greek Goddess, because even though I was a filthy tom-boy I had street style on my trendy little wrists.

To achieve arm candy one must:
1.) NOT wear a david yurman bracelet, this does not count as arm candy, because if everyone has it you lose your pizazz factor.
2.) Whether your in debt or have a trust fund you can have arm candy.  If your rich no wrist is complete without a few Hermes bracelets and the Cartier love bracelet.  If you're poor like me, make your own bracelets with things like string, beads, and hemp (they are cheaper and usually give your more creative cred).
3.) I think arm candy looks best when you mix your h&m/forever21 bracelets, home-made bracelets, and more expensive bracelets all together to make the perfect look.
4.) Add a watch preferably gold or my latest obsession, rose gold to your arm candy (all the trendy JAPs are wearing brands like Michael Kors, MJ, and Michele so you should too!)
5.) DIY remember all those stupid bracelets you made at summer camp?  Well know all that hard work/practice can get put to the test. 

Photo cred: disappear here

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Friday, October 28, 2011

Book Worm

Every summer I lifeguard and that usually means a lot of free time while working.  I should explain that my job is no normal working environment, I am surrounded by 15 awesome humans, most of whom are my best friends. We're usually hungover from some terrorist attack that we caused at ,The Ruck (local dive bar) the night before. I digress, I usually have a lot of free time, when I'm not laughing from hangover delirium or bitching about how someone copied my mega original Victoria secret bathing suit; that's when I read.  I read tons of book in the summer and never watch tv, (except Trueblood) because when you find a good book not even The Real Housewives of New Jersey can pull you away.  I understand that in our inherently stupid, ADD society, no one believes in the power of the book anymore, unless their on your trendy ipad or kindle.  So, here are some of my favorite books of all time; I must warn you that my book taste, like my music taste, tends to be depressing and sort of 90's.

1.) I Know This Much Is True By: Wally Lamb  .
2.) The Glass Castle By: Jennette Walls 
3.) Apologize apologize By: Elizabeth Kelly
4.) A Million Little Piece By; James Frey
5.) White Oleander By: Janet Finch
6.) Harry Potter 1-7
7.) The Highest Tide By: Jim Lynch
8.) To Kill a Mockingbird by: Harper Lee  ( I felt obligated to put this out of the cult following this book has)
9.) The Divine Comedy ( Inferno) By; Dante Alighieri
10.) Mudbound By: Hilary Jordon
11.) Skylight Confessions By: Alice Hoffman

Since I'm that terrible person that judges a book by the cover, feast your eyes on the greatness off all these books covers.

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Celebrity Fragrances: A brief History

Since the dawn of time celebrity's have been making fragrances; such as, the hottie cave girl perfume called Fur, which was a lovey scent of berries infused with a hint of womanly must.  Also for the "it" cave guy we have Grunt, which is a not so lovely scent, but definitely manly.  The scent is deer pee infused with the essence of dirt and just a hint of fennel.  Anyway, you get the point, celebrity fragrances go back to the dawn of civilization and continued to the end of it...the 90's; cue bad Paris Hilton jokes... remember her?  Well, she basically started the term franchise and the idea that "celebrity's" all must have a fragrance.  After Paris, we have real celebrity's like Britney and Justin making fragrances, then something terrible happens EVERYYYY herb with 15 minutes creates a truly heinous fragrance and it ain't smelling so sweet.  Alas, here are a few of my favorites.

BAHAHAHAHAHA UNbreakable, the bond between white V and black P HAHAHAHAHAHA
Justin Bieber.  I think I just retched.  I mean wow it takes an extremely secure (gay) seventeen year old boy to come-out (pun-intended) with a perfume that is a pink flower and smells like dick-cheese.
Look at that bald head in all it's glory, you want to know what this ad is telling me?  If you want to be bald wear this cologne; then, just maybe, you'll die hard.  Man, this guy must have a worst PR guy than Lindsay Lohan/ Michael Lohan.

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Obession du jour

Some current obsessions that recently broke my very small bank account... this week.

Burt's Bee Tinted lip balm in HoneySuckle ( so great and baby pink @alyssahoffman "baby prostitute lipstick" aka pale pink)
Just got these suckers on sale at my version of church; Marshall's, and let me tell you I'll scare all the men away in these, but I'll collect all the ladiezzz!! (Steve Madden Shoes)
Love a good over sized sweater for fall and it's on sale!!!! ( Calvin Klein Collection)
I will never understand why women torture themselves with things like under-wire, anddd unless you're ano padded bras make you look like a german-milk-maid.  Therefore,  I give you the adult version of the training bra, literally the most comfortable thing your tits have been in since 'Nam.  (Honeydew Intimates)


CutCopy- Face to Face
Jack's Mannequin- Hostage (Off brand new CD)
Bassnectar- Basshead
Mamas is hankering for a creative outlet so I'm back all 7 of you!! RAHHH My mind is melting into a pool of watermelon sorbet on a hot JUULY day, especially with all my corporate work I have to do.  SO important.  Anyway it's Tuesday so here's a tragic song from the dead soul poet hunter that is, Bon Iver.