Wednesday, November 16, 2011

This week in History

This week in history JFK was assassinated, Jerry Waite was released, Lincoln presented the Gettysburg Address, Pizarro trapped the Incan emperor Atahualpa (god bless you) and the Elizabethan age began in England.  Woahhhh history you were busy this week, you didn't even stop to have a latte.

        JFK was assassinated: Well this is a large event to try and explain.  John Fitzgerald Kennedy was the the 35th president of the United States and his short lived duty as president was strange and eventful.  JFK during the time of his presidency was seen by the general public as royalty.  He and his family's life while in the white house was known as "Camelot", due to how regal and perfect they all seemed. However, the general public would soon grow to understand the facade that was JFK and that his life was anything but the allusion made to Camelot.  JFK was assassinated in Texas, by a sniper on the infamous "grassy knoll", while riding in a convertible with his wife Jacqueline and the governor of Texas.  The event was caught on film and has been speculated over for years, as to who and what delivered the deadly shot.  Here's where it gets fishy ya'll and I'm not talking about Lobster at the Kennedy compound; the FBI and the Warren Commission blamed the assassination on Lee Harvey Oswald who was a veteran who deflected to the Soviet side for a little bit.  However, he denied that he had anything to do with the assassination, THEN the stinkiest fish of all (tuna) reared its fin, while Harvey was being transferred to police headquarters he was shot by club owner Jack Ruby in full view of news cameras (how convenient).
            In regards to the assassination, it is wildly regarded as a conspiracy and I agree.  There are millions of theories on why, how, and who killed JFK; however, the most common conspiracy is that the US government assassinated its own president.  Although JFK is seen by many as this amazing president, he was sort of horrible as far presidents go.  Many people don't realize that JFK, not Johnson was responsible for the start of the Vietnam war and JFK almost got the entire country blown up during the Cuban Missile Crisis.  It is also now known that JFK was a cheating slob, that was hooking up with every hot piece of ass and their mother; it is even said that he had foreign mistresses, making him a threat to national security.  Now, we were in a Cold War and JFK was running around: almost getting us blown up, allegedly sleeping with the enemy and lying to the American people about how perfect he was...seems like he was a hot mess/ modern day Lindsay Lohan.  Therefore, I think the US government cut their losses and got rid of him before he could really do some damage and blamed some Benedick Arnold (Oswald) with the murder.  GENIUS, and not the last or first time the US government has killed a few to save a thousand (Peal Harbor), but we won't get into that today, class.

Elizabethan Age Begins:  Who got the last laugh Henry VIII? Queen Bitch Elizabeth did! Those of you not familar with royal families, especially the Tudor family, should really brush up;  I swear they have more drama than a fake Kardashian wedding. So, Queen Elizabeth was the daughter of Anne Boleyn and the man who invented divorce and renounced his religion for a women, Henry VIII.  He was a large gross man who just wanted a male heir, so he beheaded his pesky exes (sometimes one wonders if he had the right idea).  Anyway, once a cheater always a cheater, Anne was beheaded and then five more exes were and then Elizabeth was Queen, BUT not before dealing with her Catholic sister Bloody Mary and her brother king child (told you lots of drama!)  Although, I left out some semi-important details you get the point.  Queen Elizabeth is seen as one of the best English Monarchs and is attributed with the Golden age of England or the Elizabethan age.  She established a happy country which was usually pissed about religion (protestant v catholic), defeated the European super power that was Spain in the Spanish Armada, FOUND SHAKESPEARE and sent some little devils over to the new world which proved to be very lucrative until those pesky patriots ruined everything with the Boston Tea Party.  It should also be noted that Queen Elizabeth was quite the modern women, using her feminine wiles to get what she wanted out of men and she wore awesome clothes. Tre Chic